By Peter Sachs
Q: I heard that North Korea launched some missiles the other day. Should I be doing something to protect myself? -Anonymous
A: In a sentence, here is the low-down on North Korea's high-flying missiles: Those projectiles aren't flying all that high, and the ones that make it off the launch pad aren't going very far. At least not yet.
The scientists who watch these things agree that while North Korea's desire to chuck explosive things into the air is a bad sign, the country's missile technology has a ways to go.
Nevertheless, on Tuesday night, the North Koreans pursued fireworks of their own, test-firing seven missiles, all of which plunged into the Sea of Japan.
For several weeks the North Koreans have been boasting about their new long-range missile, which has the ability to fly several thousand miles. Depending on which infographic map you believe, that missile could go as far as the western part of Alaska, or it could go all the way across the Pacific, across the continental United States and hit Washington. Yup, there's a bit of a difference there, and it's a little hard to tell how far that contraption could go.
Good thing the Taepodong-2, as the missile is called, didn't fly right the first time out. Nobody is quite sure what went wrong, but about 40 seconds after launch, it just stopped working and went for a permanent swim in the Sea of Japan instead.
"The Taepodong-2 was not ready for prime time," weapons inspector David Kay bluntly told The Washington Post.
Stephen Hadley, who is President Bush's national security adviser, had similarly snippy words to describe North Korea's non-accomplishment.
"The Taepodong obviously was a failure - that tells you something about capabilities," Hadley was quoted as saying in the New York Times.
The Taepodong-2 was pretty much expected to be the headliner, kind of like Dave Matthews teaming up with Ray Charles in a parallel universe. Except the T2, not to be confused with the second Terminator movie, did a whole lot of nothing. The other six missiles were Scuds, old things that don't go very far and aren't that impressive -- unless one is pointed right at you.
Where does that leave you, besides thinking about other awesome-yet-impossible concert combinations?
Now that the missile debacle has blown over, it seems you won't have to worry about North Korean projectiles landing in your backyard, at least for the time being.
While the diplomats and politicians discuss embargoes, sanctions and making North Korea stand in the corner as punishment, you can probably get back to more important matters, like imagining Matisyahu, Bob Marley and Tenacious D playing on the same stage at the same time.